love's executioner two smiles summary

Marvin took out his notepad and wrote down a few lines. When I first began to work as a therapist, I naively believed that the past was fixed and knowable; that if I were perspicacious enough, I could discover that first false turn, that fateful trail that has led to a life gone wrong; and that I could act on this discovery to set things right again. But somehow, despite her rancor and my dislike of her and the evocation of my mother, we got through these sessions. Could she feel the difference? The past, the true story, the chronicle of real events, is unrecoverable. I want to tear the food away. If giving fifty thousand dollars is a good idea, it will still be a good idea a month from now. Had Betty not known that her time in therapy was limited, she might, for example, have taken far longer to achieve the inner resolve she needed to begin her weight loss. Though Dave seemed a little anxious, he was refreshingly engagedno game playing today. Could I have done it, let go of his hand, helped him die, told him, Go! Now its too late, its too late to live., I sat unblinking through this litany and, for a moment, felt ashamed for being unmoved. Look at the porno business! He lay immobile, flat on his back. From the ages of ten to seventeen, he sold newspapers in Brooklyn. Several weeks before, I had suggested to Dave that he enter a therapy group, and over the past three sessions we had discussed this at great length. Soon I received more warnings:Phyllis and I are having dinner in a ramshackle restaurant. I dont like being away from her, even for one night. It was too late: his house had been built, his final examination turned in. In a way no patient had ever done before, she showed me everything. Bettys mood now fluctuated wildly, and I grew increasingly concerned for her. I feel sorry for the mouse and go outside to it. Thats one of the reasons I havent talked about them to other therapistsI dont want them to be treated as a disease., No, Thelma, Im not talking about eight years ago. I think its important for you to know exactly what happened eight years ago. They forced me to take my bearings and to review what had been happening in therapy. I eavesdropped all the timeeven after finishing the days writing, when I was strolling arm in arm with my wife on one of the endless buttery sand Balinese beaches. Now, there is just nothing.. I picked up my mail and walked back to the house, flipping through the usual batch of junk advertisements, charity requests. Perhaps Penny and Jeffs marriage was destined to fail, but there seemed little question that the final dissolution was hastened by grief. I was truthful. Yes, I can hear the kind of questions youd ask. He had been Charless dog, and a bit of Charles still lived through Elmer. Swept along by hubris and by my curiosity, I had disregarded twenty years of evidence at the outset that Thelma was a poor candidate for psychotherapy, and had subjected her to a painful confrontation which, in retrospect, had little likelihood of success. I always felt that if I probed too far, ranged too close to his anxiety, he would simply disappearfail to show up for his next appointment, and I would never be able to contact him again. Moved by my answers, Marge grew ever bolder but gentler in her talks with me. Ive never known anyone who wasnt. He agreed to therapy only because the migraine had brought him to his knees and he had nowhere else to turn. But, obviously, I had miscalculated. Success? But what have I been doing instead? I had placed him in a group six weeks ago to provide him with a community that would both help to penetrate his isolation and also, by identifying and urging him to alter some of his most socially objectionable behavior, help him to create connections in his social life. But why? Ive never told that story to anyone. Gradually she despaired of ever having a true social life. And now what kind of truth was I stalking? Because the cable car had lurched, causing her to fall as she was leaving it, she had initiated a lawsuit against the city. It was a couple days after the funeral, I was still taking off from school. She was the brilliant, beautiful director who had created this film. Did he ever realize how much I cared for him, how much I wanted him to forget his work from time to time and enjoy the leisure of an afternoon stroll on Union Street? We did not meet again; and three years later, I learned he had died. Not that I blame youafter all, you guys are running a business and gotta earn a living. Betty had heard that her father had really wanted a son and been silently disappointed when she was born. Yes, I admit it, a part of me was rooting for Marie to give Mike a hard time: Come on, Marie, do your stuff!. . I told him to come in to your office at my regular hour next week, but he told me to ask you if we could make it sooner. Before parting, I extracted some commitments from Thelma: she agreed to think more about her decision and to meet with me again in three weeks, and she promised to honor her commitment to the research project by meeting, six months hence, with the research psychologist and completing the battery of questionnaires. Then he pats himself on the back for whatever nonremarkable accomplishment he does make. Above all, I wished to protect and maintain our relationship. Instead, she was courageously unfolding her multilayered grief. I had three children: one was an angel, and the other two, look at emone in jail and the other a drug addict. Now he took out his notepad and began to read a series of dreams:Phyllis was distraught that she hadnt been good to me. I asked, in return, that he agree not to make any irreversible decisions. Phone me at any time and Ill be there for you. Was he staging all this for me? I feel like a zombie, run out of gas, my lifes a void, a dead end. She had strong feelings about hair loss as well. How long before new secrets would accrue? The most important fact about a dream is its emotion, and this dream, despite its benign content, was full of terror: it had awakened him and flooded him with anxiety for hours. In my therapy with each of these ten patients, my primary clinical assumptionan assumption on which I based my techniqueis that basic anxiety emerges from a persons endeavors, conscious and unconscious, to cope with the harsh facts of life, the givens of existence.1. Was it malpractice not to do that? Maybe so, Ill admit that. Im nothing. As a memorial to Chrissie, Penny had kept her room unchanged, with all her clothes and possessions in their familiar places. Lets try to turn this into a learning experience for him. Furthermore, it had been a good personal experience after a bad week, in which he had hospitalized two patients and had a run-in with the department chairman. Had we tried too quickly to make a foolish old man wise? She had often talked about epic (and invariably unproductive) struggles she had had with her mother and with other friends who tried to help her control her eating. After six years of teaching trigonometry, Marvin felt stuck. And always, if nothing else worked, there was always the cash payoff. Would you move to the other chair, play the role of Matthew, and talk to Thelma here in this chair?. Probably Me had already taunted Marge with it, but I saw no evidence. She did lack the capacity to be close to others. Thats an elaborate piece of work, I said. I had respect for the way that, despite her suffering, she had always given to others and maintained her commitment to community service. Never take away anything if you have nothing better to offer. Next, I was trying to get into the window of a room where her body might be. I lost it in a second., Marvin, did you tell Phyllis exactly how you felt about her timing?, Her timing is not goodnever has been. You havent seen him for eight years. Betty represented the ultimate countertransference challengeand, for that very reason, I offered then and there to be her therapist. He wasnt loving you, Thelma, he was using you. Would he take the leap? She viewed, she told me now, my suggestion about a possible career in nursing as a put-down, and accused me of saying, The girls not smart enough for medical schoolso let her be a nurse!, At times, she was petulant and regressed. But now I returned my attention to Marge. For an instant I was alarmed because I thought she would walk out. I felt disloyal to Marge for finding her rival so attractive, for being so bemused by her mimicry of Marge. Instead there arose a haunting question: In this relationship, who had exploited whom? She eventually agrees to see a hypnotherapist for her pain which works well. Time and again in a group, I gaze longingly at a beautiful trail that would lead me deep into the interior of a person, but must content myself with the practical (and more helpful) task of clearing away the interpersonal underbrush. Then I folded the letter and jammed it into my rear trouser pocket. Instructors praise his group therapy text because it is based on the best available empirical evidence. Ill get to the point. His amount of self-disclosure was outrageous twenty-five years ago and set most therapists teeth on edge. To see how ludicrous, how pathetic, how idolatrous he wasan old man, stumbling toward death, comforted only by a clutch of letters, a marching banner proclaiming that he had loved and been loved once, thirty years before. By examining the details of the therapy relationship (or, in a therapy group, the relationships among the group members), I can point out on the spot how a patient influences the responses of other people. According to Marvin, their sex life had been wonderful until six months ago: despite forty-one years, it seemed to have retained luster and passion. I could only imagine the perplexity on Dr. K.s face when reading Sauls long letter defending himself against charges he, Dr. K., had never made. Yet I was convinced part of it was bluster, and that there was a way to reach something better, something higher in him. I suggested that we meet six times and then evaluate whether treatment seemed worthwhile. . Has not the history of Western civilization been punctuated with yearnings for freedom, even driven by it? Nothing came. What a story there was behind Maries relationship with him! And I guess I didnt look at her very often, either. I was particularly struck by two powerful themes in Pennys account of her life. Even the word disillusion, with its negative, nihilistic connotation, should have warned me. Dammit! He said something caring to each of them, he knew all their childrens names, he brought in doughnuts for them three or four mornings a week. I feel like nothing, no one. What had we done to drive Dave away? What about Yalom, Marvin, and vorbeireden? Object Loss - the loss of a figure who has played an instrumental role in constitution of one's inner world. Next week we commenced our work. Saul, in Three Unopened Letters, knew that any reasonable man would open the letters; yet the fear they invoked paralyzed his will. 2. Could I possibly be serious? Ill blow the whistle on that bastard so loud his ears will never stop ringing., And certainly the smile about poisoned dog food was equally ironic. It was as though we had assigned the other Marge to a psychological organ bank. But, even though I dont show it very muchIm not good at saying thank youI really appreciate what youve done for me these last months. I tried to raise this question with her but, no matter how I put it, I felt that I was whining, Why dont you like me as much as Matthew?, You know, Thelma, theres something else going on alongside your letting Matthews opinion of you mean everything, and that is you refuse to let my opinion mean anything at all to you. I dream about him. Every day was a bad day. Do nothing at all. Mikes statement was wonderfully lucid and delivered with just the proper mixture of professionalism and paternalism. But we have to expect that. Life doesnt seem worth living. The more she thought about her family, her dead daughter and her two sons, the more she began to think: What am I living for? He always called me on my shitty habits.. Maybe I should give them to Mort or Jay or Pete to store for me. Saul did what I asked and shared his illogical scenario, and here I am, dumb enough to get lost in it. Betty flushed. Once again I began to suspect that he had already sent the fifty thousand dollars and was unwilling to tell me. It seemed the right thing to do. The second letter arrived eight days later. Be careful. But theres all the difference in the world between TV hypnosis and medical hypnosis. I had been contemplating my nails as he spoke, and smiled as I looked up, expecting to see an ironic, playful expression on his face. Neither Dave nor the group knew what to make of the dream. Im sure you know your business. If I multiplied every sign of stress by ten, I would have it: his willingness to pay fifty thousand dollars; his morbid, suicidal ruminations (he had made a serious suicide attempt five years before); his anorexia; his insomnia; his request to see me sooner. She wanted me to be close to her, she wanted to come home with me, she wanted sexI was willing to give her everything in a state of perfect oneness and love. I had turned, now, in treatment to a consideration of unconscious motivation. For now, there exist formidable barriers to such mind coupling. I could live with that one-percent chance. Since Thelma had opposed everything else I suggested, I was preparing my argument to convince her when, to my surprise, she enthusiastically agreed. Gone also was my patient. I think a shiver of doubt went through him. It was not, as I first thought, that she was mercurial and unable to sustain focus. Seeing Matthew yesterday, she told me offhandedly, had helped immeasurably! Or is it that you want me to visit you at home and help open them there? I suspected I would have cause to regret this crude pressure, but I couldnt stop myself. Here's what you'll get in every chapter: The author introducing a patient, then berating them (with the exception of if they are a 'sexy' attractive women - then author will muse if he is helping the patient out of the goodness of his heart or because the patient is a sexy woman). Marge illuminated another dimension of that contract: that I must be with her most central self. I meant it when I said that if rape were legal, Id do it! He cried for all that he had missed, for all the years of deadness in his life. Still, the roots of the obsession seemed extraordinarily friable. I eventually decided it was unassailable, and turned my attention to helping her learn how to meet and engage men. Phyllis has her problems. I dont want to get closer to them.. 8. She gave no evidence of wanting a response from me. Take a look at this. It was all therethere had been a person, a handsome woman, buried in there all the time. Carlos let me know I had made my point: he said that he was getting dizzy, and that this was a lot to deal with in one day. I hand in my blue book and remember that I havent answered the last question. Fascinating!, Theres a lot of fear of death there, Marvinin this dream and in all the other nightmares. Both Marvin and Phyllis now cared so much for the others growth and being that they could genuinely collaborate in the process of wrenching a symptom from its socket. How excitingto be given another chance, to paint his life all over again on a blank canvas.. The results were excellent, and my ganglion was cured. The moment had come to play my final card. She seemed staggered by my confrontation and retreated by sinking into her body. Excellent technique! Love's Executioner Other Tales of Psychotherapy. Sometimes she came into my office in tears after a week without food and no compensating weight loss. We had done so well together, I couldnt deal with the shame of coming back defeated.. And dogs? Of the many risks, I feared one particular scenario. I believed that Marvin was entirely wrong when he said that sex was at the root of his problems; far from it, sex was just an ineffective means of trying to drain off surges of anxiety springing from more fundamental sources. She knew that I was weary, weary of Marges whimpering and stuttering, that I was weary of her panics, her curling up in corners and hiding under desks, and weary of her thready childlike voice. I never really believed it. The best way to do that was to begin to ask the right questions and to discuss her pain in depth with her oral surgeon. Thelma wasnt sure whether the new person was a man or a woman. Last night, Marthashes a really fragile borderline young woman, who has been almost mute in the group started to talk about having been raped last year. On the day she died, I brought her spirit back home again. Though nightmares differ in manifest content, the underlying process of every nightmare is the same: raw death anxiety has escaped its keepers and exploded into consciousness. He had done all the work he was to do that day. She had never before split offoh yes, there had been one time, a third personality named Ruth Annebut the woman who came today had never appeared before. I thought he sighed when he said this, and asked, That must have been a big wound for you. It must be scary or liberating to say these things for the first time!, I feel O.K. How did that come about? I asked. To help Carlos become assimilated in the group, I had, in the first few meetings, coached him on appropriate social behavior. Perhaps I should have, but I couldnt wait. The veterinarians extensive and expensive incontinence diagnostic work-up was of little value. Nonetheless, possibly because there was so much therapy to be done, I found myself forgetting the research and, little by little, slipping into a therapeutic mode. We jogged across the Golden Gate Bridge, brunched at Greens restaurant. Every one of my notes of these early sessions contains phrases such as: Another boring session; Looked at the clock about every three minutes today; The most boring patient I have ever seen; Almost fell asleep todayhad to sit up in my chair to stay awake; Almost fell off my chair today.. Thus, I may advise, argue, badger, cajole, goad, implore, or simply endure, hoping that the patients neurotic worldview will crumble away from sheer fatigue. I was afraid shed be very embarrassed about this later, and I didnt want to make it worse by any hint of criticism. Not only did food represent her sole form of gratification, not only was it a method of assuaging her feeling of emptiness, not only did thinness evoke the pain of her fathers death, but she felt, unconsciously, that losing weight would result in her death.

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